


You'll be my queen, and I'll be your moat

by Meghan Page (mutter11)



Series: I'll be your shelter [2]
Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: Brief discussions of violence and assault, F/F, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, I accidentally spilled sap all over the end of this lmao, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, post kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutter11/pseuds/Meghan%20Page
Summary: When Juliana is taken by El Alacrán's men, all Valentina wants is to be the first thing she sees when she's rescued.Second half of my fix-it series focusing on Juliana's kidnapping.





	You'll be my queen, and I'll be your moat

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "I'll Cover You" from Rent.
> 
> Finally, part two to my fix-it series! This one took a while because it had two big scenes I wanted to get right: Juliantina's discussion of what happened with Sergio and a flashback Juliana experiences. I hope I did well with them. I also went a bit overboard with the gay at the end there, but what can I say! These two just bring out the sappiness.
> 
> Thanks and happy reading!

“ _¡Ayudame!_ ”

A call for help broke the tense silence. Valentina and Lucho, who had been waiting just around the corner from where they had tracked Lupita’s phone signal, both startled. They lurched off the hood of Lucho’s car as a woman sprinted towards them as best she could in her heels.

Lucho reached out to her protectively. “ _Señora,_ what’s happening? Are you okay?”

The hat covering her hair initially threw Valentina off, but she knew exactly who the woman was. “Lupita!” She pulled her further towards the car, checking behind her for another, smaller figure. “What about Juliana?”

Instead, two men wielding guns rounded the corner. Lucho immediately threw himself in front of them, his arms spread to shield the women behind him. " _Tranquila, por favor._ They’re women.”

“Calm down?” The man in front leveled his handgun at Lucho’s chest. “I’m not calm.”

The wail of sirens became audible in the distance, and as the man’s attention wavered, his aim skewed off-center. His bullet hit Lucho in his shoulder, its force throwing him to the ground.

The man approached Lupita, his gun almost pressed against her sternum. But he hesitated, his eyes flicking from her to the oncoming police cars. Finally, he turned and ran, shouting “ _¡Vamanos!_ ” to his companion.

As the narcos escaped back around the corner, police cars pulled up alongside Lucho’s car. Valentina dropped to her knees, pressing her hands against the blood bubbling up from Lucho’s shoulder. He groaned, and she nearly cried in relief. He was alive.

 

Sirens shrieked in the distance, and as the narcos around her froze, Juliana knew this was her only chance to escape. From her place on her knees, she elbowed Alacrán with as much force as she could muster. Alacrán doubled over in pain, and she sprung to her feet, moving forward before she was even fully upright.

Juliana sprinted down the street in the direction her mother took, dodging Jacobo’s outstretched arms without thought. She ignored the crack of a large gun from over her head, and the pops of handguns as the narcos and police traded fire. Her sole focus was the side street just ahead, where she could see the strobe of police lights. If she could just get to them…

She skidded to a halt as she rounded the corner and saw the scene waiting for her. Police cars and an ambulance clogged the street next to a fancy silver car. A man lay on the ground, several figures kneeling beside him, including her mother and, somehow, Valentina.

Before she could wrap her mind around the sight, she heard a shout of, “Freeze!” She turned to find a police officer with his gun pointed straight at her. She thrust her hands in the air, her knees locking in place.

Valentina and Lupita’s heads both jerked up at the commotion. When Lupita saw who it was, she let out a ragged gasp and threw herself towards Juliana, Valentina not far behind.

“ _¡Mi hija, mi hija, mi hija!_ ” Lupita cried, flinging her arms around her and pressing her close.

With a sob, Juliana buried herself in Lupita’s arms, letting her rock them back and forth. “ _Má…_ ”

She peeked over Lupita’s shoulder, meeting Valentina’s own teary eyes, and stretched out a hand towards her. Valentina immediately took it in her own, bending her head over it as she drew it to her heart.

Peppering kisses across Juliana’s forehead, Lupita took her face in her hands. “Juli, I don’t know what I would do if something had happened to you, _mi amor._ ” She pressed Juliana’s forehead to hers before drawing her back to her chest. “You’re okay, you’re fine. _Mi vida._ ”

Juliana could only cling to her in relief. All day she had lived with the fear that she would never see her mother again, and then she had watched as armed men chased her down to kill her. But now she was here, alive and unharmed.

“You’re hurt!” Lupita said, her thumb finding the corner of Juliana’s lip where the skin had split. She drew back to guide Juliana to the ambulance, but she just shook her head. 

“No, _má,_ I’m fine.”

Out of her mother’s embrace, her attention was consumed by Valentina. She still had Juliana’s knuckles pressed to her chest, and when their eyes met once more, fresh tears tracked down her cheeks. Valentina reached out for Juliana’s other hand, tucking it next to her heart as well and drawing Juliana with it. They rested their foreheads together for a moment, basking in each other’s presence, before Valentina threw her arms around Juliana in a crushing hug.

“Juls,” she murmured, turning her nose into Juliana’s hair. She dropped several kisses on her hair before holding her even tighter. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”

Juliana’s breath stuttered, and she clung to Valentina’s shirt, the dam of her own tears finally breaking. The press of Valentina’s arms, the scent of her perfume was making her head spin. Not even a minute ago she had been kneeling in the street with a gun aimed at her head, and now she was wrapped in the embrace of the girl she loved.

“I…” She swallowed, tried again. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Valentina pulled back just enough to meet Juliana’s eyes. She took a moment to take in Juliana’s face, mascara smeared and lip bloody, but alive and whole. “ _Claro que sí,_ Juls. I had to be here when you were rescued, to see that you were safe. The worry was eating me up inside.”

With a sniff, Juliana twisted her lips to the side. She leaned her forehead against Valentina’s, her eyes drifting close, her breathing shaky, as her aching heart pulled her closer to the other girl.

Valentina pressed her nose to Juliana’s, rubbing it sweetly in a bunny kiss, before closing the last few centimeters between their mouths and taking Juliana’s lips in a kiss. Juliana melted into it, boneless in Valentina’s hold as she lost herself to the taste of Valentina’s mouth.

When they broke apart, Valentina didn’t let Juliana go far, drawing her back to her chest. Juliana didn’t protest, snuggling as close as she could get.

“I still can’t believe you’re here,” she murmured. “How did you know to come here?”

“I told the police where you were.” Juliana drew back slightly in surprise, and Valentina gave her a wobbly smile. “We figured out your location, and then we gave it to Montilla...”

“You were the one who called the police?” Lupita interrupted, eyes wide. Both girls started, having briefly forgotten she was even there.

Before Valentina could respond, Montilla walked up to them. “Ladies, we need to get you out of here. The area still has not been completely secured. _Sígame._ ”

He escorted them to an empty police car. Holding the door open, he helped Lupita and Valentina climb in the back seat, but stopped Juliana as she tried to follow. “ _Señorita_ Valdes, you need to be checked out by the _paramédicos_ before you go anywhere.”

“No, I’m fine,” Juliana tried to argue.

Lupita leaned over Valentina, reaching back for Juliana. “No, _espera…_ ” 

“ _Tranquila, señora._ ” Montilla put a hand on the car door, subtly stopping her. “It’s a necessary medical measure to make sure she’s totally fine.”

Juliana crossed her arms, frustrated with Montilla’s interference. She didn’t want to be separated from Valentina or Lupita, didn’t want to spend any more time on this police-clogged side street. But she knew it would be easier to just listen to him for now instead of fighting with him. “ _Ya,_ fine, I’ll go.” She caught Lupita’s eye around Montilla’s arm. “ _Mamá,_ it’s okay. You two should get out of here.”

Lupita looked reluctant, but when Juliana gave her a nod, she leaned back into her seat. Montilla closed the car door, thumping the roof twice to signal the driver they were good to go. He escorted Juliana over to the ambulance where a paramedic was waiting, then disappeared back into the hubbub of police officers and strobing lights. The paramedic redirected Juliana to a police van parked nearby, her medical kit in hand. “ _Perdon,_  the ambulance needs to leave as soon as it can, we need to get the other patient to the hospital.

“Someone else got hurt?” Juliana asked as she sat in the open van door.

The paramedic nodded distractly, already peering at her split lip. “A young man named Lucho. He was shot in the shoulder.”

Lucho had been there too? Juliana’s stomach plummeted. Valentina had been with Lucho again. But… Valentina had said they tracked her whereabouts. They drove all the way out here, putting themselves in danger, to wait until she was rescued. Why would Valentina do that if…? Juliana didn’t know what to think.

“Will he be all right?” Juliana asked, trying to keep her voice neutral.

“We hope so. The bullet missed any major organs, so it’s likely he’ll be fine.” Taking Juliana’s chin carefully in her hand, the paramedic brought an alcohol wipe to her split lip. “This will sting a bit.”

Juliana hissed as the wipe touched her wound, but kept herself still as the paramedic finished cleaning her lip and dabbed an antiseptic on it.

“It’s not bad enough for stitches, so as long as you put some ice on it and let it rest it should heal just fine,” she instructed. “Now I’m just going to do a very simple check for injuries.”

Juliana simply nodded, looking forward to the exam being over. The paramedic gently palpated along her torso and limbs, checking for any wounds, and asked her to bend and rotate her joints to ensure everything was working the way it should. Besides the split lip, the only other injuries she found were a pattern of overlapping bruises on Juliana’s arms, a faint rope burn on her wrists from her restraints, and mild dehydration. Handing over a water bottle with instructions to finish the entire thing, the paramedic gave her a clean bill of health. 

As the paramedic walked away, another police officer approached her. “ _Señorita_ Valdes? Detective Montilla had to leave, so I’m going to escort you to the police station.”

With a sigh, she followed him to another police car, a little surprised when he opened the passenger door for her instead of the rear. Maybe not every police officer had their head all the way up their ass.

 

At the police station, Lupita and Valentina waited anxiously in Montilla’s office for his return. Lupita fidgeted with her phone, until it finally lit up with a text from Juliana.

 _Má, estoy bien. El paramédico dice que estoy sano. Un policía me está llevando a la estación._  

With a sob of relief, she hurried over to Valentina. “Juliana just messaged me to say she’s okay. A paramedic says she’s healthy.”

“ _¿En serio?_ ” Valentina instinctively reached out to her, drawing her into a hug. “Come here. That’s good.”

“You shouldn’t have gone to that place, _muchacha,_ ” Montilla scolded without preamble as he strode into the room. The women pulled apart as he crossed behind his desk, picking up a folder and brandishing it at Valentina. “You didn’t think about what you could be exposed to. You had already done enough giving us the address and warning us of the kidnapping.”

Lupita gazed at her with wide eyes at the confirmation, but Valentina ignored her. She didn’t need Montilla to berate her; she had already spent the long, tense minutes waiting in his office telling herself the exact same things. She had been reckless, and put Lucho in needless danger. It was her fault he got shot.

“I want to see Lucho,” she told Montilla.

He looked at her coldly. “That’s not possible at the moment. You’ll have to wait until he’s out of surgery.” Valentina flinched at his words, but he ignored her. “Besides, we still need your statement.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Lupita confronted him. “With everything that happened, she shouldn’t even be here. Can’t you see the state that this girl is in? When she feels better, she will come back and give her statement.”

Montilla looked between them, then let out a heavy sigh. “ _Bien._ Call someone to come for you.”

The two women looked at each other for a moment, surprised that Lupita’s words had worked. Lupita took Valentina by the arm, guiding her quickly from the office. Once they were outside, she drew Valentina to a stop.

“I didn’t know before it was you that called the police.” When Valentina almost imperceptibly nodded in confirmation, Lupita raised her hand to cup the back of her head. “ _Gracias._ ”

Valentina could only give her another short nod, too dizzy with emotion to form an answer. She stepped away from Lupita quickly and made her way towards the lobby. As she went, she tried to make sense of her swirling feelings. She was relieved Juliana was safe, relieved down to her very bones. But at the same time, she felt worried and guilty about Lucho. If she had left well enough alone, he wouldn’t have been hurt. But his hacking had allowed them to give the police Juliana’s location. And once she knew where Juliana was, Valentina knew she would have driven herself mad if she had stayed home while Juliana was in danger.

She pulled out her phone, pushing aside the jumble in her brain for more immediate concerns. She sent a text to Alirio, asking for him to come pick her up. Lucho’s car had been left in the street; she would need to let someone know to get it...

“Val?” The sound of her name paused her pacing feet, and she turned to find Juliana framed in the doorway to the station. 

Valentina’s breath hitched, and tears sprang to her eyes. “Juls.” She dashed over, gathering Juliana to her. “Juls…”

Of off the street and out of danger, the reality of Juliana’s safety washed over her. Just being able to touch her, to know that she was alive and whole in her arms, brought her immeasurable comfort. Juliana clutched onto her in turn, pressing her face into her collarbone.

“ _¿Estás_ _bien?_ ” Valentina asked, her hands tracing up and down Juliana’s spine. “The paramedic said you’re okay?”

Juliana nodded into her shoulder. “I’m all right. They didn’t… They didn’t hurt me.”

Valentina noticed the pause in her reassurance, pulling back to look at her more fully. She ran her fingers under Juliana’s puffy, mascara-stained eyes, over the split in her lip. She thought back to her own time as a hostage - the constant threats made against her. “Did they try?” she whispered before she could stop herself.

Juliana twisted her lips to the side, tears swimming in her eyes. Before she could say anything, they heard someone call Juliana’s name from the entrance.

“Juliana?” Panchito appeared in the doorway, hastening over to Juliana. She used the distraction to hurriedly wipe at her eyes with the heel of her palm. He wrapped her in a hug, giving her a relieved smile. “I’m so glad you’re safe. Your _mamá_ called me to come get you guys. Where is she?”

“I think she’s still in the hall,” Valentina answered him, gesturing over her shoulder with her chin.

“ _Gracias,_ ” he thanked her, and moved off in search of Lupita.

Valentina looked back at Juliana, a faint sadness in her eyes as she smoothed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You want to be with your family now?”

“No. I mean…” Juliana flushed, her gaze skirting Valentina’s. “I don’t want to be apart from you yet.”

Warmth filled Valentina’s chest, and she took Juliana’s hand in her own. “ _Yo tampoco._ ”

Juliana gave her a small, wobbly smile, which she returned with as much comfort as she could muster.

At that moment, Panchito returned with Lupita in tow. When she saw Juliana, Lupita ran to her, throwing her arms around her. “Juli!”

Juliana smiled in her mother’s hold. “ _Má._ Is everything okay here?”

“ _Sí._ We can come back another time to make our statements. But right now we can go home.” Lupita put her arm around Juliana’s shoulders, making to guide her out of the police station.

But Juliana hesitated, looking towards Valentina. She had meant it when she said she didn’t want to be parted from Valentina. But she suddenly realized that if Valentina came with them, that would put her and Lupita in close contact. And considering what had happened the last time they had spoken - the entire reason she had left home - she wasn’t certain how they would react.

As if sensing her thoughts, Valentina said, “I’ve called Alirio to come get me. I can meet you another time…”

A lance went through Juliana’s heart at her words, and she knew that for any of her reservations, she couldn’t handle being away from Valentina right now. “No, _por favor._ I don’t…” She looked back at Lupita, distress painting her features.

Lupita cleared her throat. “I suppose she should come with us. She is the one that brought the police to you.”

Juliana sagged slightly in relief, leaning into Lupita’s side for a moment before reaching out to Valentina, taking her hand in her own.

Valentina couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. It had been almost painful to suggest they part, and she was glad Juliana had turned her down. “Should I have Alirio drive us all, then?”

Panchito spoke up a little sheepishly. “I brought my car here, so I can take everyone back to the house.”

“ _Bien,_ I’ll tell Alirio not to come,” Valentina replied with a nod, pulling out her phone without letting go of Juliana’s hand.

They all exited the police station and climbed into Panchito’s old four-door car. There was a bit of shuffling as they tried to figure out where everyone was sitting, but they settled down with all three women in the back seat, with Juliana in the middle and Valentina and Lupita on either side.

The drive was slightly awkward, silence filling the car as they wound through the city streets. Seated between Valentina and Lupita, Juliana couldn’t help but be hyper-aware of their movements, monitoring them for any sign of discomfort or unease. Was Lupita angry that Valentina was there? Did Valentina regret coming? Every fidget or sigh could mean a confrontation, and Juliana felt wound tight with her vigilance.

She almost sighed with relief when they finally pulled up in front of the house, having to hold back from pushing her mother out of the car as she scrambled out after her. They trooped through the outer gate and Lupita made a beeline for the kitchen. “Come. Are you hungry? I’ll make you something. Do you want something to drink?”

“No _má,_ I don’t want anything. _Estoy bien,_ ” Juliana called after her, but Lupita disappeared into the kitchen all the same.

Juliana and Valentina trailed behind, lingering so it was just the two of them. After a moment’s hesitation, Valentina danced her knuckles over the backs of Juliana’s fingers, offering her hand, and Juliana laced their fingers together without hesitation. Feeling emboldened by Juliana’s immediate acceptance of her touch, she pulled the other girl fully to a stop, spinning her to face her. With her free hand, she traced up Juliana’s other arm, dusting her fingers over Juliana’s shoulder before she wrapped them around the back of her neck. She couldn’t help but step closer, drawn in by Juliana’s gravity, before resting their foreheads together.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she whispered, her eyes fluttering shut. She breathed in deeply; Juliana’s scent, though hidden behind grime and sweat, filled her with peace.

Juliana sighed, her breath washing over Valentina’s lips. She drew back slowly, guiding Valentina over to the bench in the yard. “I’m so sorry about what happened to Lucho.” She said as they sat, squeezing Valentina’s hand.

“Me too.” The guilt Valentina had pushed away bubbled back to the surface, and tears pricked at her eyes. “He helped me find your location.”

Lucho had helped Valentina find her? “How?”

“ _No sé._ He tracked your _mamá'_ s phone and we got there and -” Valentina cut herself off, looking at Juliana helplessly.

Juliana raised her eyebrows, surprised and impressed. “ _Claro,_ you said you told the police the location.”

“We gave it to them because… He got it and then he asked me if I wanted to go look for you, and I just wanted to be there so you’d see me when you came out from El Alacrán’s house.” God, she had been so reckless. Even if they thought the police would already be there, even if her heart had ached for Juliana… She couldn’t hold back a sob. “I never imagined what would happen…”

Juliana tucked Valentina’s hair behind her ear and cupped her face in her hands. It hurt her heart to see Valentina so upset like this. But what she had said lit a spark of hope within her. Valentina had wanted to be the first thing Juliana saw when she was rescued. She had been longing to see Juliana, just as Juliana had prayed for a chance to see her again.

But those emotions felt too big to fit in her throat, so instead she focused on what was more immediate. “The _paramédico_ who checked me over said Lucho should be fine,” she reassured Valentina. “She said the bullet missed anything major.”

Relief peeked from behind the tears in Valentina’s eyes. “ _¿En serio?_ ”

Juliana nodded, and Valentina pulled her close again, tucking her face into Juliana’s neck. Lucho was going to be fine. She hadn’t caused his death. 

Letting out a long breath, Juliana cupped the back of her head, letting silence linger for a moment. She felt comforted by comforting Valentina; by focusing on the other girl’s problems, she could push the horrors of her recent experiences to the back of her mind.

“Do you want to figure out what hospital he was taken to? We can ask Sergio, maybe someone would have told him,” she suggested. “I can go with you if you want.”

Valentina pulled away from her, putting space between them. The mention of Sergio dumped ice water over her. She was reminded of the terrible revelation that had preceded this whole ordeal. The intimacy she had been sharing with Juliana, the comfort and assurances, should all be someone else’s. “Shouldn’t you go with Sergio?”

Juliana’s brown furrowed. “Why would I go with Sergio?”

“He’s probably very affected too, and you’re going out with him, no?” Valentina did her best to seem unperturbed, but the words seared her throat as she said them.

“No, Val. I’m not going out with him,” Juliana said, looking away, her chest growing tight with dread.

Valentina’s eyes grew distant. “So is it also a lie that you slept with him?” 

Juliana felt the world slip out from under her. Valentina already knew. She pressed her lips together, trying to keep her heartbreak from spilling out. During her long hours held captive, she had thought herself in circles, trying to figure out the best way to explain the situation and wishing desperately for the chance to do so. Wishing that it had never happened in the first place.

But all of those planned speeches and imagined scenarios fled from her mind, and she floundered for what to say.

“Val,” she said, unable to keep the pleading tone from her voice. “Things weren’t planned that way, okay? I had just left home and I had nowhere to stay -”

“You left home?” Valentina couldn’t help but interrupt, surprised. At Juliana’s nod, she asked, “ _¿Por qué?_ ”

Juliana tried to shrug. “Lupita and I were fighting. It was… _pues…_ it was after she caught us.”

She didn’t need to finish the thought. _After she caught us kissing._ Valentina remembered how angry Lupita had been, and how shaken she herself had felt. “You left because she caught us together?”

“No, she -” Juliana ran a hand through her hair with a huff. “She didn’t get it. She kept trying to say there was something wrong with how I felt. But she’s wrong.”

There was a glint of steel in Juliana’s eyes, and Valentina couldn’t help but admire it. But she couldn’t understand how Juliana could sound so determined and still do what she had done. “Then what about Sergio?”

A grimace crossed Juliana’s face. “He was helping me out after I left and… We started drinking mezcal and…”

Valentina scoffed. In the back of her mind, she knew it wasn’t the time to be acting this way. But all of her heightened emotions, the fear and relief and guilt, had somehow twisted and morphed into this sting of betrayal and resentment. “Now you drink mezcal? _Que chido._ ”

“ _Mira,_ Val, you have to understand something.” Juliana’s eyes were imploring now. She gripped her hands together to keep from reaching out to Valentina. “I was not okay. Things weren’t going well. I was confused, I didn’t know what was going on with me.” Her voice quieted as she continued, “We weren’t together.” 

“Well, I suppose you have the right to do whatever you want,” Valentina said, barely able to get the words out. Juliana was right. Though they had briefly made up after Valentina’s own hostage situation, Juliana had soon succumbed once more to the pressures surrounding them and broke off their relationship. She hadn’t been Valentina’s to betray, but Valentina felt the bite anyway. She couldn’t help but feel like Juliana had given up everything they had, had run from her straight into the arms of a boy.

But there was something that had been gnawing at her ever since she found out, and she couldn’t help but ask, “ _¿Te gusto?_ ”

“No,” Juliana replied immediately. “No, I didn’t like it. It doesn’t come close to what I experienced with you. _Te lo juro._ ”

 _What I experienced with you._ The way Juliana put it made it sound like so much more that sex. That was how Valentina felt as well; it had been an _experience,_ something wonderful and life-changing. “Then why?” she couldn’t help but implore.

Juliana’s brow puckered, Valentina’s teary eyes piercing into her soul. “ _No sé…_ ” She dug a fingernail into her palm, mentally berating herself for her inability to voice her feelings. Words had never been her strong suit, but she needed them now, needed to explain how she felt to Valentina. “Val, I need you to understand, it wasn’t you. I didn’t do it to hurt you, or because I didn’t care about you anymore. I still…” She swallowed the rest of the sentence, not daring to push things. “But everything felt like it was going wrong, and then Sergio offered the mezcal… I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

Valentina tried to understand, but Juliana’s explanations only served to rankle her further. “Juls, I don’t get it. You say you didn’t mean to, but then how did it happen? How am I supposed to believe it was nothing if you don’t explain?” Her voice had begun to rise, but she fought to keep it even. “I want to believe you, I do. I want to believe you weren’t… weren’t doing this to get back at me somehow. But I need you to give me a real explanation.”

Juliana hung her head, screwing up her mouth, trying to hold back tears. She deserved Valentina’s mistrust. But Valentina deserved the full truth. She fought to scale her inner walls, battling against her instincts of self-protection to bare herself for Valentina. 

“I just wanted everything to stop. To stop hurting,” she murmured after a moment, unable to raise her head. “I was so tired of hurting.”

At her whispered words, Valentina felt herself softening slightly. She could relate - how often had she done the same thing, turned to alcohol or pills to numb her feelings? Then a concerning thought came into her head. “So what, did you black out? Did he take advantage of you?”

Juliana shook her head. “No. Not like that. I mean…” Maybe Sergio had used the alcohol to ply her with, to make her more open to his suggestion, but she was the one that had actually moved forward with it, wasn’t she? Still, she owed it to Valentina to explain how things had gone, so she pushed forward. “Earlier that day Lupita had been hounding me, trying to say I didn’t know what a normal relationship was. And then Sergio was saying these things…”

“ _¿Como qué?_ ”

“ _Como…_ ” Juliana hesitated, thinking of all the talk of manipulation, and how easily she had been affected by it. “I don’t want to say…”

“ _Dime,_ ” Valentina pressed.

Deciding to cut to the point, Juliana admitted what had really bothered her. “He was saying that it was inevitable that you and Lucho would get back together. And after I had walked in on you…”

Valentina sat back, galled. “I knew you had gotten the wrong impression, but that was nothing.”

“It was?” Juliana couldn’t stop herself from questioning.

“ _Nada en absoluto._ I didn’t even want to see him at first, but then I learned that Guille was in trouble -” She saw concern flit across Juliana’s face, but shook her head slightly to stop her from asking. “I’ll tell you later. But Lucho offered to help, and he was comforting me because I was upset. And then you saw us and you ran away, and you wouldn’t even stop when I called you, and I could tell you took it the wrong way…”

Valentina and Lucho weren’t back together. Juliana was relieved, at the same time she was ashamed for assuming the worst. “ _Perdóname,_ Val. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. It’s just… You’ve been with Lucho for so long, and I’m just…” She trailed off, waving a disparaging hand at herself.

Valentina cocked her head. “ _No entiendo._ ”

“Val… I’m just… I’m not…” Juliana made a frustrated noise at the back of her throat. She picked at her fingers for a moment, studiously avoiding Valentina’s gaze, before dropping her shoulders with a heavy sigh. “I thought… I thought you had finally gotten tired of me. That you realized I was too much work and went back.”

As Juliana’s voice cracked, Valentina felt her heart do the same. The resentment evaporated, replaced with a bone-deep ache for the girl beside her. Too much work? How could she think that, when being with her was the easiest thing in the world? How could she ever tire of her, when she cherished every moment they spent together?

She leaned forward, taking Juliana’s hands in her own and drawing them to her heart. “Juls… _mi amor…_ ” The way Juliana looked up at her, incredulity in her watery eyes at the pet name, broke Valentina’s heart all over again. “I don’t know who’s filling your head with these crazy thoughts, but I could never feel that way. I love spending time with you, it’s all I ever want to do. You make me the happiest I’ve been in a long time.”

She moved closer to Juliana, who was staring at her as if trying to discern any speck of dishonesty. Valentina was determined not to provide her with any. “I missed you every day we were apart. I thought about you all the time.”

“ _Yo también,_ ” Juliana confessed, and her face crumpled, tears beginning to spill from her eyes. “ _Lo siento mucho,_ Val _._ I shouldn’t have let you go. I shouldn’t have let everything get to me.”

“Come here,” murmured Valentina, pulling Juliana into her arms. Juliana immediately fell into her, her hands wrapping around her back. “I know how hard it can be. How horrible people can be. It’s okay.”

Juliana sniffed, turning her face into Valentina’s shoulder. “How can you forgive me so easily?”

Bringing her hand up to cup the back of Juliana’s head, Valentina rested her cheek on her hair. “ _Porque me encantas._ ”

With that Juliana began to cry, her quiet tears wetting the shoulder of Valentina’s top. Valentina simply stroked her hair as she held her closer.

When she had calmed again, Juliana drew back, wiping at her eyes with the backs of her hands. She looked to the side for a moment, too embarrassed to meet Valentina’s eyes, before sheepishly wiping at Valentina’s shoulder. “Sorry I got your shirt wet.” 

Valentia laughed lightly. “ _No es nada._ ” She smoothed her fingers across Juliana’s cheeks, wiping away the tracks of her tears. “I’m sorry I made you cry. It’s - I shouldn’t have even brought it up, it was inappropriate…”

“No, Val, _está bien._ I’m glad we talked about it.” She gave Valentina the best smile she could manage at the moment, which Valentina gratefully returned.

Valentina picked up Juliana’s hand once more, idly playing with her fingers while they sat in silence for a moment. She felt badly for berating Juliana, especially so soon after she had been through a life-threatening event. She wanted to comfort Juliana, to bring her the same sense of security she had brought Valentina after her own hostage ordeal. Thinking back to the things Juliana had done for her after that time, she decided to start off with a similarly small but meaningful gesture.

“Do you want some water?” she asked, “Or something to eat?”

Now that her emotions had calmed, all Juliana felt was tired. But when she thought about it, she hadn’t had anything to eat in a long while, not since that bowl of soup she had only been able to half-finish. “That would probably be good.”

Valentina rose quickly, offering her hand to help Juliana up, which she took with a soft smile. They wandered slowly towards the house, where Lupita and Panchito were sitting at the small table just outside the kitchen. Spread out across the tabletop were a number of plates and pitchers.

“Oh, _mija!_ ” Lupita jumped up from her seat when she saw the girls approaching. “I got out some snacks for you, I didn’t know how hungry you would be.”

Juliana sat heavily in her chair, doing her best to give Lupita an appreciative smile. “It looks good, _má._ ”

Smoothing her hand over Juliana’s hair, Lupita poured a glass of water for her, then began making a plate for her, piling up small crackers and bits of fruit. Juliana took a sip of the water, then rested her cheek in her hand as she picked at the plate Lupita put in front of her. She tried nibbling at a piece of melon, but despite logically knowing that she hadn’t eaten for hours on end and she needed food, she found that the moment the snack passed her lips she lost all appetite. She put down the melon and tried a bit of cracker, but it had the same effect.

As she put the cracker back down as well, Lupita looked over at her in concern. “What’s wrong, Juli? Do you not like any of it?”

“No, no, it’s just...” She sighed, poking at the food. “I guess I’m just… not very hungry.”

Valentina sighed as well. “After my… well, after, I didn’t have much appetite either. But the water you brought me helped.”

Juliana understood where she was going, and picked up her glass again, making herself take another drink of water. It made Valentina smile, and Juliana couldn’t help but give her a tiny smile in return. When Valentina looked away to get her own water, Juliana glanced over to see her mother watching them carefully. She shot Lupita a wary look, but she only smiled sadly. Before Juliana could decide whether to question her, Lupita’s phone buzzed, tearing her attention away.

After taking a second to read the message, she looked back up at Juliana. “It’s from Beltran,” she told her. “He wants to discuss something with you.”

“ _¿ Qué? _ Why does he want to talk to me?” The thought of the man filled her with irritation. He had a terrible habit of interjecting himself where he didn’t belong.

“ _No sé,_ but it sounds like it’s important,” Lupita told her.

“Well tell him I don’t want to talk,” Juliana snapped, suddenly angry. She was already bone-weary; she couldn’t imagine dragging herself from the house to talk to a man she barely knew.

Lupita looked at her pleadingly. “ _Pero_ Juli, he tried to help you. He’s the one that set up the exchange, to get you out…”

“So what? I don’t want to talk to him!” Juliana snarled. She pushed away from the table, feeling like she needed to get away. Without another word, she stalked off towards her room.

Lupita jumped up to follow her, but Panchito took her wrist. When she looked down at him, he shook his head slightly, and she visibly deflated. As she sat back down, Panchito look over to Valentina. “Valentina, will you go check on her?”

“ _Claro,_ ” Valentina said, clambering to her feet. She quickly followed after Juliana, but paused outside her closed door, listening for a moment. No sound came from the other side of the door, no cries or sounds of anger, but Valentina knew this must be the right room from the faint glow of what must have been a lamp from under the door. Tentatively, she reached out a hand and knocked lightly.

“ _Má,_ go away!” came Juliana’s muffled shout.

“It’s Valentina,” she called back softly.

There was a moment of silence, then the sound of movement before the door opened slowly. As she peeked around the edge, Juliana’s eyes were red, but it didn’t look like she had been crying.

“Can I come in?”

Juliana opened the door wordlessly, allowing Valentina to step inside and closing it after her. Valentina tried to catch her eyes, but she avoided her gaze, looking away and at the floor. After a moment, she let out a heavy sigh and crossed to sit on the foot of her bead. Valentina followed and sat next to her. Unsure of what else to do, she placed her hand next to Juliana’s on the covers, her pinky overlapping Juliana’s.

They sat like that for a moment, Juliana still refusing to look at Valentina, before she surged to her feet.

“I don’t get what my _mamá_ sees in that guy,” she said, beginning to pace. “He needs to stop sticking his nose in where he’s not wanted.”

Valentina watched her pace, concerned about how quickly her mood had shifted from mostly calm to furious. She hated to see Juliana so worked up, especially after all she had just been through. “ _Amor,_ come sit down.” She reached a hand out towards Juliana, but she turned away, pacing further into the room.

Juliana curled and uncurled her hands into fists. She wanted to calm down, but her skin felt like it was crawling and she felt jumpy, overheated. She took a hold of her jacket, shrugging it from her shoulder, but stopped cold as the movement of the fabric released a familiar, sickly scent.

Gasoline.

She froze for a moment, before ripping the jacket off and throwing it across the room.

“Juls?” Valentina asked, startled. “ _¿Qué_ _pasa?_ ”

But Juliana didn’t answer, her breathing growing ragged and uneven. Once the jacket was gone she immediately started on the rest of her clothes, stripping them from her body and throwing them away from her. But she could still smell the fuel, the odor invading her nostrils.

“Get it off.” The words tumbled from her mouth unconsciously. The acrid scent clung to her, and she swiped at her skin, trying to wipe it away. “ _Por favor_ , don’t…”

“What, Juls? What is it?” Valentina rushed to her, completely lost and frightened by her actions. “Juls, you’re scaring me.”

Her hair. It must have gotten in her hair. Juliana clawed at her head, her fingers yanking, almost trying to pull her hair from her scalp in her frenzy.

“The gasoline,” she gasped. “The gasoline, _por favor,_ they’re going to… oh god…” She let out a moan, sick with fear.

The bottom fell out of Valentina’s stomach when she realized something terrible must have happened to Juliana that she was reliving. “Juls, I’ve got you, hold on.”

She took Juliana’s shoulders and guided her into the adjoining bathroom, Juliana too far gone to fight against her. Reaching blindly into the shower to turn on the water, she pulled off the few clothes Juliana hadn’t managed to rid herself of and pushed her in, not waiting for it to warm up. She grabbed the bottle of shampoo and squirted some directly onto Juliana’s hair, rubbing it in as quickly as she could. Seemingly unaware of Valentina’s actions, Juliana scrubbed desperately at herself with her hands, her fingers digging into her skin and leaving angry red marks over her chest and stomach.

Valentina snatched up her hands, afraid she was going to hurt herself. “ _Espera,_ baby. I’ve got you.” She backed Juliana under the water, letting it stream over them. “Shhh, _mi amor,_ you’re alright, you’re okay. Just breathe.”

Rocking them back and forth, she murmured soothing words to Juliana, doing her best to calm her down. She ran her sudsy hands over Juliana’s back and stomach, trying to clean her without letting go. Though she quaked beneath Valentina’s hands, Juliana’s breathing gradually slowed as she came back to herself. Finally, she blinked a few times, and when her eyes met Valentina’s they were clear and lucid.

“ _¿Mi amor?_ ” Valentina questioned.

Juliana’s eyes filled with tears, and her lip wobbled. “Val…”

With that, she collapsed into Valentina, sobs escaping her chest. Valentina pressed her close, holding her as she cried, her heart breaking once more for the girl in her arms.

The water had begun to go cold by the time Juliana’s cries petered out. Without speaking, Valentina got towels for them, wrapping up Juliana and guiding her back into the bedroom. Once she sat her down on the bed, she went through Juliana’s dresser, getting underwear and t-shirts for them both.

Turning back to Juliana, Valentina took a moment to study her. She looked truly exhausted, her shoulders drooping and eyes half-closed. Valentina almost hadn’t noticed in the shower, but there was a mesh of overlapping bruises along her upper arms, and her wrists where they lay in her lap looked chafed and raw. Stepping forward, she took Juliana’s chin in her hand, tilting it up and running her thumb against her lip where it had split and begun to bruise as well.

She felt tears forming in her eyes as Juliana gazed up at her with her endless brown eyes, so she quickly moved on to help Juliana dress, blinking rapidly to clear her vision. Once Juliana was dressed and laying down, Valentina pulled on her own clothes and slid onto the bed beside her, pulling the blankets up over them both.

They lay there in the quiet for a moment, Valentina petting Juliana’s wet hair back from her face, before Juliana spoke up.

“I can’t get it out,” she whispered, almost too soft for Valentina to understand.

Valentina grasped her face, fearful of another backslide into memory. “No babe, we got it all I promise.”

With a small shake of her head, Juliana’s eyes began to well with tears again. “No,” she said, “the memories. I can’t get them out of my head.” Breaking eye contact with Valentina, she leveraged herself up on her elbows, turning her face away. “I don’t want to remember anymore, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Valentina pushed herself up onto her own elbow, reaching out for Juliana’s cheek and gently turning her to face her again. “Talk to me baby,” she murmured pleadingly.

Juliana shook her head again, but this time she didn’t look away. “I can’t. I don’t… I need the memories to go away, I need to stop thinking about it. That’s the only way I know how…”

Pain welled in Valentina’s chest. How many things had Juliana had to ignore, push to the back of her mind, to just keep putting one foot in front of the other? Outside of her mother and father, who were more often than not part of the problem, who had she had to talk to, to help her cope? Valentina was determined to be that person for Juliana.

“Maybe if you shared it a little bit it would help,” she suggested. Shared her story, shared her burdens.

Juliana looked at her with a furrowed brow. “Val, no, you’ve already been through enough…”

Shaking her head, Valentina cut her off. “Juls, baby, let me help you. Let me take care of you.” She put her hand around Juliana’s back, putting barely-there pressure between her shoulder blades to coax her closer. Juliana rolled towards her easily, allowing Valentina to wriggle her other arm under her body so she was holding her fully.

Juliana closed her eyes, leaning in to rest her forehead against Valentina’s collarbone. Her warm breath ebbed over Valentina’s skin, and she was silent for so long Valentina began to wonder if she had fallen asleep.

Finally, she began to speak in a low, soft voice. “It was… I’ve never been so scared, Val. I had just left the apartment Sergio rented, and I was feeling terrible, when these men came out of nowhere…”

Once she began, the story spilled out of her from beginning to end. Valentina listened in silence, her horror growing as Juliana recalled the visceral threats against her.

“Juls, _lo siento mucho._ ” Valentina said once Juliana’s words ran out, unable to stop a tear from spilling down her cheek. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Juliana reached out, wiping the tear away. “No Val, I… Don’t cry.”

Valentina pulled her closer, switching their positions and burying her face in Juliana’s neck. “I’m just so glad you got out of there. I’m so glad I got you back.”

Letting out a shuddering sigh, Juliana ran her fingers through Valentina’s hair, reveling in the tickle of her eyelashes against her neck. “ _Yo también,_ ” she murmured to Valentina’s temple. She was. God, she was so thankful. Thankful to have survived the Sierra Cartel, thankful to not have ruined everything with Valentina. Beyond thankful for another chance with her.

Valentina placed a soft, open-mouthed kiss against Juliana’s pulse, then pulled back to meet her eyes with a soft look. “I’m here for you Juls, _¿vale?_ You don’t have to be okay all the time. Not around me.”

Tears prickled once more at the back of Juliana’s eyes, but she managed to give Valentina a crooked smile. “I might not be very good at not being okay, though. You’ll have to help me.”

Valentina returned Juliana’s smile; though it was small, it was dazzling. “ _Claro que sí,_ Juls. Whatever you need.”

To keep from crying, Juliana lurched forward to bury her face in Valentina’s hair, earning a giggle from the other girl. “ _Ven aquí,_ ” she murmured, drawing Juliana with her as she wriggled down the bed until their heads were on the pillows. She turned over, pulling Juliana’s wrist across her middle so Juliana was molded to her back.

“Oh, I’m the big spoon?” Juliana questioned the nape of her neck, a smile turning up the corners of her lips.

Valentina nodded, wiggling closer and pulling Juliana tighter against her. “I thought it might help you not feel trapped.”

All Juliana could do was swallow, in awe of this girl’s thoughtfulness and caring. Pressing her forehead between Valentina’s shoulder blades, she whispered, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Valentina drew the hand she was holding up to her mouth, pressing a kiss to Juliana’s knuckles. “I don’t ever want to find out.”

Pushing herself up on an elbow, Juliana leaned over Valentina’s shoulder. Valentina rolled back slightly, turning her head to look up at Juliana. As she did, Juliana pressed their lips together, giving Valentina a deep, breathless kiss.

“ _Te amo,_ Val,” she said, her voice husky. “I wanted you to know.”

Valentina rolled all the way onto her back, pulling Juliana down on top of her. She snaked a hand around the back of Juliana’s head, drawing her into another long, deep kiss. “ _Yo también te amo,_ Juls,” she gasped as they came up for air. “ _Siempre._ ”

With the hand on the back of her head, she guided Juliana down once more, pillowing her head on her chest. “I’ll stay with you until the morning,” she told her, holding her close. “You don’t have to be afraid tonight.” 

Juliana wrapped her arm around Valentina’s waist, pressing a kiss over her heart. “Never when I’m with you.”


End file.
